


The Idiot Chronicles

by ironspydr, UnfortunatelySux



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fuck mountain dew universe (but you don’t really have to read that first), Idiots, Light Angst, M/M, collection of moments, just know they have a dog and then later on they have little twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-25 20:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15648453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironspydr/pseuds/ironspydr, https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnfortunatelySux/pseuds/UnfortunatelySux
Summary: Jeremy and Michael can be really stupid sometimes: a saga.





	1. Pregnancy Prank

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hhh beware toddlers recreating memes

Michael bit his lip as Jeremy wandered into the room. “Hey, Jere? There’s something I need to tell you.” He quirked an eyebrow as Jeremy shuffled around the room. “Are you looking for something?”

“Hm?” Jeremy hummed, eyes trained on their surroundings. “Lost the remote again.”

Michael had to bite back his smile to maintain his faux seriousness. “I need to talk to you, babe.”

Jeremy’s head snapped up. “Huh? Bout what?”

Michael patted the bed next to him.

Jeremy took a seat slowly. “You’re kinda scaring me, Micah.”

Michael grabbed Jeremy’s hands in his own, pressing kisses to his knuckles. “It’s alright.” He released one hand to reach behind him, grabbing a plastic bag.

“Doesn’t seem alright,” Jeremy said, adding a nervous laugh as he watched Michael’s hand. 

Michael took a deep breath as he pulled a small plastic stick from the bag, handing it over. “Jeremy, I’m pregnant.”

Jeremy paled. He stared at the stick in his hand. “I– What?” His voice was small. 

Michael nodded solemnly. 

Jeremy gulped. “B-But we use condoms.” 

Michael quirked an eyebrow. “Like, half the time.”

“I take birth control!”

“No?’’

Jeremy huffed. “Yes I do, it puts my hormones in balance.”

Michael shook his head. “Birth control only works if you're the one trying to give birth.”

Jeremy gasped. “My nut’s had babies in it this whole time?!”

Michael nodded. “And now your nut babies are in me.”

“F-For real?”

“That's what the test says.”

“I-I’m gonna be a dad?” Jeremy squeaked. 

Michael nodded.

“Michael!” Jeremy shouted. “That’s amazing!” His eyes started watering. “That’s my dream!”

Michael blinked. “Huh?”

Jeremy stood up. “Mikey, that’s the best news I’ve ever heard! We’re gonna have a baby! I can’t– I can’t believe it! How far along is it? Do you know what gender it is? Don’t tell me! I don’t wanna know!”

Michael was astounded. “Ok, Jere, a couple things,” he pulled him back down. “I feel like you're not really thinking this situation through very well.”

Jeremy was crying, but grinning. “I am! We’re adults, we’re married, we can handle a baby! You know I’ve wanted this forever!”

Michael winced. “Ah, shit.”

“The room we use for storage– It can be the baby’s room! It’s already purple! They’ll love it! We can– Shit, we need to learn how to change diapers! How are we gonna tell my dad?” Jeremy shook the thoughts from his head. “We can worry about that later.” He stood up again and crouched down. “All that matters is the baby.” He put his hand on Michael’s torso. 

Michael felt sweaty. “Jeremy, I need you to think back real hard to our Sex Ed class for a second.”

Jeremy didn’t take his eyes off Michael’s abdomen. “I didn’t take that class,” he mumbled. 

Michael practically shrieked. “It was mandatory! We had it _together_!” Michael huffed. “Jeremy, where do babies come out of?”

Jeremy bit his lip. “I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

“What body part, Jeremy?”

“My dick.”

“Vagina!” Michael practically yelled. “They come out of vaginas!”

Jeremy crossed his arms. “How was I supposed to know you meant ripe babies? You just said my nut had babies in it,” he mumbled. 

“Oh my god.” Michael dropped his head into his hands. “Jeremy, do I have a vagina?”

“Sometimes they come out from a c-section, Michael, you’re being exclusive.”

“I don’t have ovaries! No eggs for your nut babies!”

“We have eggs,” Jeremy said, “in the fridge.”

“I am physically incapable of becoming pregnant!”

“You’re in shock! Look at the test! There’s a little baby in there!”

Michael grabbed to plastic bag, pulling out the joke test box. “This joke went horrifically wrong and I’m a total asshole!”

Jeremy’s face fell. “Joke?”

Michael felt like shit. “God, I’m the worst. Why did I think this would be funny?”

“Y-You were kidding?”

“I’m so sorry!”

“So I’m...” Jeremy fell onto the bed. “I’m not gonna be a dad?”

Michael whimpered. “One day you will.”

“N-Not one day in nine months?”

Michael bit his lip, taking a breath. “Maybe we can? If we go down to the adoption agency?”

Jeremy looked down and shook his head. “Uh, n-no thanks. Not today. I-I remembered where I put the remote.” He stood up. 

Michael grabbed Jeremy’s wrist quickly. “Miah, I’m sorry,” he sniffled, voice watery.

Jeremy pulled his wrist away. “I gotta get the remote. It’s in the fridge, uh, with the eggs, y’know? Can’t be good for...the batteries.”

Michael looked at him with pleading eyes. “Jeremy.”

“Huh?”

“You know I wish we could, too. I wish we could more than anything.” Michael was crying, voice shaky. “I would give anything to be able to have those perfect babies with your eyes and my hair. God, I wish we could.”

Jeremy gave him a sad smile. “I know. You just wanted a laugh, anyway. Not your fault I’m a big dumbass.”

Michael sighed. “We’re both big dumbasses.”

“Hey, I’m the one who thought you could actually get pregnant.”

Michael hummed. “You really slept through Sex Ed, huh?”

“I still passed.”

Michael nodded. “Yeah.” he frowned. “I feel nauseous.”

“Please don’t throw up. Save it for the morning sickness.” 

Michael frowned again, but timidly look up at Jeremy. “Hug?”

Jeremy nodded. “C’mere, Mikey.”

Michael practically threw himself into Jeremy’s arms. “I’m sorry.”

Jeremy hugged him tightly. “It’s okay, babe. I’m stupid.”

“I shouldn't have done it in the first place. I love you.”

Jeremy shook his head. “It was just a prank, Micah. It’s fine.”

“A shitty prank. Why aren’t you more upset with me?”

“Because I love you and you haven’t made fun of me for putting the remote in the fridge.”

Michael buried his face in Jeremy's neck. “You do that like once a month.”

“Hey, I get distracted!”

Michael smiled. “I know you do, Miah.”

“Come watch a movie with me?” Jeremy whispered. “You can be the big spoon!”

“God, yes. Where’s Princess?”

“She’s on the couch, I think. She’s the littlest spoon.”

“Thank god.”

“You want her in here?”

“Is that even a question?”

Jeremy grinned and pulled away. “Peaches!” he called. 

They went quiet as a hurried tapping of nails on the hardwood floor approached their door. It came to a stop, followed by a momentary silence and then a small bark.

“Aww,” Jeremy cooed. He hopped off the bed and scooped the dog up in his arms. “Good girl.”

Michael grinned stupidly. 

“She’s our good girl, huh, Mikey? Tell her!”

“Princess is our _best_ girl.”

“You’ve never been more right.” Jeremy tossed himself back onto the bed, being careful with the happy dog in his arms. 

Michael followed suit, pulling Jeremy back against his chest, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Jeremy smiled as he sunk into Michael, Peaches finding a comfortable place to lay down. He let his eyes close for a moment to take it in. 

———Years later———

Michael was sat in their living room watching the twins while Jeremy folded laundry. Or, that's what he was supposed to be doing. Instead, he was devising a cunning plan to deceive his husband. “Jeremy, C’mere!” he called, quietly shushing the giggling of the children where they were tucked against him beneath his shirt. It was definitely a tight fit, but Michael was more focused on the task at hand than his shirt’s well being. 

Jeremy came running from behind. “What is it? Are the kids okay?!”

Michael put his hands on both children's heads beneath the fabric in an attempt to still them. “Jeremy, I have some news,” he started, voice full of faux seriousness.

Jeremy looked around for the twins. “Huh? What happened?!”

Michael winced for a second, looking down at the lumps in his shirt to pout. “Ouch, Tala, stop kicking.” He turned back to Jeremy, eyes solemn. “I’m pregnant.” Giggles erupted from the twins, which Michael promptly shushed.

Jeremy’s worried expression melted into a flat, disinterested one. “Wow, Michael, I can’t believe it.”

Michael nodded. “Sorry it had to come out this way, but I missed my period, so I bought a test, and…it’s twins.”

“Gee, what a surprise,” Jeremy deadpanned. “I’m so shocked. I’m so excited. Wow. How about you give birth now so you don’t suffocate them.”

Michael scrunched up his nose, lifting his shirt enough to use his knees and dump the toddlers onto the couch with an exaggerated “Blagh,” noise to simulate the sound of childbirth. The children were still giggling heavily as they plopped out onto the cushion. Michael was left with a stretched shirt with one more lump beneath it. “Oh no,” he called. “It must’ve been triplets!”

“Peaches,” Jeremy cooed, “c’mon, girl.” He scooped the babies into his arms and shot Michael a look. 

Michael pouted as the lump in his shirt barked excitedly. 

Jeremy sat down where the twins had been ‘born’. “I’m not falling for this again, babe,” he said, leaning over and kissing Michael’s cheek. 

Michael snorted, allowing the dog to hop off his lap. “Benjie licked me the entire time he was under there.”

“Really?” Jeremy looked down at their son. “Benny, did you lick your daddy?” The baby only laughed harder. 

Michael pouted. “I can’t believe my pregnancy was so short lived.”

“Truly a miracle. You didn’t even have labor pains.”

Michael waved it off. “The pain comes later, when they're in middle school.” Michael turned to the kids where they were perched in Jeremy’s lap. He beamed at them, kissing both of their foreheads. “Good job, fetuses, he was totally fooled!” The children babbled to each other proudly.

“Mm,” Jeremy hummed. “Yeah, he really got me.” He scooted back on the couch and carefully leaned into Michael’s side, taking a moment to stop Benjie from pulling on Tala’s hair. 

Michael instantly wrapped an arm around Jeremy, kissing his cheek. “Tali, do you wanna show papa what we learned today?” 

Tala looked up at him, nodding and yammering excitedly. While they weren’t exactly talking yet, Tala was able to get out a short “Yes!”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow. “Hm? What’d you three get up to while I was gone today?”

Michael grinned, plucking Tala out of Jeremy’s lap and setting her on her feet in front of the couch. “Alright, love, do number 1.” 

Tala nodded in understanding, turning her feet out slightly and clasping her hands in front of her. She tried to say something, but the best she could get out was “‘ad ‘a do ‘et tuh um.”

Jeremy’s eyes were wide as he stared at her. “Oh my god, Michael, have you been teaching them _memes_?” He gave Tala a tickle anyway for being perfect. 

Michael grinned. “Only old ones.” He kissed Tala’s cheek. “Number 2!”

Tala straightened up from where she had been giggling, extending her arms out straight with a call of “E-bose!”

“She’s not even two and you taught her to T-pose?! Micah, you’re a _genius_!” Jeremy tickled her again. 

Michael laughed. “That’s not even the best one!”

“What else can our talented Tala do?”

Michael gave Tala a grin. “You ready for the last one?” Tala nodded. Michael turned to where Benjie was still perched in Jeremy’s lap, one hand clinging to his shirt collar and his other hand occupied with having his thumb in his mouth. “You remember your parts?”

Jeremy watched as Benjie cooed excitedly, just happy to be paid attention to. 

Michael grinned, kissing his forehead. “Alright, Tali, go!”

Tala nodded, turning to Jeremy and holding up one finger. Then she dropped her hand and stood still for a second. Once she figured it had been long enough- about 10 seconds- she held up two fingers, reaching up to pull Benjie down to stand with her. She pushed on his shoulders so that he would sit on the floor, then she stood up straight again. Another 10 seconds and she held up three fingers, pulling Benjie up so he stood beside her. Once again she waited to make sure Jeremy got the idea before she held up four fingers, then moved to the other side of Benjie and lying prone on the floor, feet pointing towards her brother.

Michael whooped, cheering loudly.

Jeremy was in total shock. “Oh. My. God. _Was that Loss?!_ ”

“Yeah!” Michael got up, scooping the children into his arms and spinning them around. “You guys were perfect!”

Benjie giggled loudly at the praise. 

Jeremy was grinning. “Best Father Award has to go to you, Mike, no contest! They’re so talented! All that was today?! God, we have such smart angels!”

Michael nodded, handing Benjie over to Jeremy when he started making grabby hands towards him. He held Tala on his hip, giving her a high five with his free hand before reaching down and giving one to Benjie as well. “You two rock!” 

Benjie made k sounds in an attempt to repeat ‘rock’, though he wasn’t as advanced with his speech as Tala. Jeremy gave him a little eskimo kiss for trying. 

Michael watched fondly, leaning over to give Jeremy a sweet kiss. “I love you. All three of you.” Michael kissed Tala and Benjie’s cheeks.

Jeremy tsked. “You’re forgetting your triplet.”

Michael gasped. “Oh no, my third baby!”

“You just gave birth to her and you’ve forgotten her, Michael!”

“No, I would never! My triplets!” Michael spun Tala around just to make her laugh. “My beautiful babies,” he cried dramatically.

Jeremy laughed. “This was worth being reminded of how stupid I was years ago.”

Michael smiled at him. “Replace bad memories with new, happier ones, right?”

Jeremy nodded. “Exactly. This is the best.”

Michael stole a kiss. “I love you.”

“Love you more.”


	2. Art

Michael figured there was no harm in indulging Jeremy’s weird ass sexual urges. If Jeremy wanted to draw him naked and then fuck, then why not? And that’s how Michael found himself stripping down and laying across their bed.

Jeremy had gone full artist—or at least his idea of an artist—with a paint-stained shirt and a real easel and canvas. He’d finally opened his new pencils and was grinning at Michael. “You gotta hang this in our room when it’s done. Right up there above the bed.” He pointed. 

Michael laughed. “Yeah, a naked painting of me for all of our friends and family to see.”

“They’re not gonna come in our room!”

“You know they’re all nosy.”

“Then they’ll see how hung you are.”

“Gross.”

“I don’t think it’s gross,” Jeremy mumbled. “Can you, uh, get it up? For the drawing?”

Michael let out an exaggerated groan. “I _guess_ ,” he teased, hand moving down his body.

Jeremy smiled. “Thanks babe. Really busting my nuts over here not to join you.”

Michael laughed, working himself up. “Great.”

Jeremy got to work on the sketch. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

Michael smiled, pulling his hand away once he was completely up. “I love you.”

“You too, Mikey.” Jeremy peeked around the canvas. “Oh, perfect.”

Michael blushed, but snorted. “Just hurry up.”

“Don’t worry, babe, I’m efficient. No time at all.” Jeremy worked away. 

Michael watched him for a while but after thirty minutes, he whined. “Jere, I’m wilting over here.”

“Mm, you can sit up, but don’t move,” Jeremy said. “I’m doing the colors now and I don’t want you to see it yet.”

Michael eyed him suspiciously. “Right.”

“I’m almost done!” Jeremy assured. 

Michael sat up, pulling a blanket over himself. 

It took Jeremy about 10 more minutes to finish painting. “Voila!”

Michael looked at it. “Jeremy.”

“A masterpiece!” Jeremy beamed. 

“That is a painting of Squirtle.”

“It’s the best painting of Squirtle you’ll ever see! Look how cute it is! I’m proud of this one!”

Michael was speechless.

“Look, he’s blushing!”

Michael yelped. “I thought you were supposed to be painting me!”

“...Fuck…”

Michael laughed. “Oh my god.”

“Fuck!”

“Jesus christ.”

“I forgot!”

“I was literally laying here with my dick out!”

“I was thinking about Pokémon!”

“I figured!”

“Jeez, this took hours!” Jeremy groaned. “You waited hours for a painting of Squirtle!”

“I know!” Michael paused. “It’s a good Squirtle, though.”

Jeremy looked up. “It is?” 

“Yeah, it’s like, really good.’

“Aw, babe, but it doesn’t even have your dick in it.”

“If it’s a Squirtle painting, I’m kinda glad my dick isn’t involved.”

Jeremy grimaced. “Yeah, me too.”

“Well, so much for the arty dick painting.”

“I-I can try again?”

Michael pouted. “But I wanna fuck and painting takes ages.”

Jeremy frowned. “Some other day?”

“For the fucking or the painting?”

“Painting, Michael.”

“Oh! Then yes.”

“We’re still hanging this right above the bed though,” Jeremy said. “When it dries.”

Michael laughed. “Fine.”

“I mean, it’s not of you, but it’s probably the best I’ve ever done.”

Michael hummed. “Will you please come kiss me already?”

Jeremy dropped his paintbrush and rushed to the bed. “Kiss me first,” he demanded jokingly. 

Michael smiled, pulling him down into a kiss by his shirt collar.

Jeremy grinned against Michael’s soft lips, his hands already roaming his body. 

Michael pulled him down onto the bed.

Jeremy parted his lips as he let his hands travel down. 

Michael grunted, tugging on Jeremy’s shirt.

Jeremy pulled his shirt off swiftly. 

Michael pulled him back into another languid kiss, working on getting his pants unbuttoned.

Jeremy groaned against the kiss, trying to help Michael kick his pants off. 

Michael chuckled. “You sound more eager than me and I was the one with my dick up.”

“I owe you, babe,” Jeremy whispered. “Plus I just saw your dick again and got excited.”

Michael laughed. “Nice.”

“Don’t laugh at me!”

“‘M not! I love you so much.”

“Then let’s fuck!”

Michael snickered, reaching down to stroke Jeremy.

Jeremy’s laughter turned into deep groans as Michael worked him up. 

Michael mouthed at Jeremy’s neck. “I had an unattended boner for so long.”

Jeremy took a moment to speak. “I-I’m sorry, Mikey, e-especially that it didn’t pay off.”

“Doesn’t matter. Just fuck me already.”

“I will!”

“Good.” Michael nipped at Jeremy’s collar bone.

Jeremy groaned. “Love you?”

“Mm, love you too.” He grabbed the lube from their bedside table.

Jeremy smiled as he watched. 

Michael pressed the bottle into Jeremy’s hand, rutting against him.

Jeremy moaned, flipping the cap open. He muttered something. 

Michael whimpered. “What’d you say?”

“Jus’ thinkin’ ‘bout Squirtle.”

“Jeremy, both of our dicks are out.”

“Heh. He’s my favorite starter.”

“Jeremy, fuck me.”

“...I’m kinda focused on Squirtle.”

“Oh my god! Are we going to fuck or not?!”

Jeremy groaned. “I’m sorry! I’m stupid! I wanna play Pokémon!”

Michael laughed. “Jesus christ,” he breathed. “You’re such a fuckin dork. I love you.”

“I love you too! And Squirtle!”

Michael smiled dopily. “Wanna play pokemon? Sex can wait.”

Jeremy frowned. “But you waited so long for this. It wouldn’t be very fair.”

“I can jack off while you play.”

“Is that...okay?”

“Is it okay with you? It’s totally cool with me. All I need is to smell you like a big creep and I’m good.” Michael sometimes didn't think before he spoke.

“Smell me, huh?”

Michael blushed, shrugging.

“Smell away.” 

Mihael hummed. “Start your game first.”

“Gimmie my DS!”

Michael groaned, reaching over to grab Jeremy’s DS from the bedside table. “Here, jeez.”

Jeremy sat up and grinned, turning it on instantly. “I think I’m gonna start the game over so I can pick Squirtle again.”

Michael hummed, pressing himself against Jeremy’s side.

Jeremy smiled, leaning into him. 

Michael pressed his nose into Jeremy’s neck, watching quietly as he went through the start up.

Jeremy named his Squirtle Michael. 

Michael chuckled. “How sweet.”

“It’s for you!”

“Thank you,” Michael smiled, kissing Jeremy’s shoulder. “Talk dirty to me while you play pokemon,” he teased, hand trailing down his own body.

“I don’t think that’s appropriate for my baby Squirtle.”

Michael snorted, pressing himself closer to Jeremy as his breath hitched.

“You good?” Jeremy asked. 

“Pretty good, I’d say.” Michael worked himself slowly, taking his time.

“Just from a smell?”

“Look, I didn’t judge you when you jacked off to a curvy piece of soap in middle school, you can’t judge me for getting off to your smell.”

Jeremy looked up from his game. “ _Look._ We can’t all be winners.”

Michael snickered. “Shut up and play the game.”

“Sorry.” Jeremy returned to his game. 

Michael kept a casual pace on himself, steadily breathing in Jeremy’s scent. It wasn’t until Jeremy was leaving the starter town that Michael’s hand stuttered, speeding up slightly as a small whimper escaped his lips.

“Mike, you’re distracting me.”

Michael hummed, not really listening. He took a deep breath, shuddering slightly. “Smell so good, Miah,” he murmured, eyes squeezed shut as he twisted his wrist.

“Michael,” Jeremy drew out. “I’m trying to play!”

Michael grunted, panting softly. “Jus’ a little more.”

“Stop distracting me!”

Michael whined, hips rutting up into his hand automatically.

Jeremy threw a hand at Michael to stop him from shaking the bed. “I’m in a battle, Mike!”

Michael huffed, stilling his hips but increasing the speed of his hand. “Jerm,” he whined. “‘M starting to get close, stop yellin’.”

“But my Squirtle is low on health and my concentration is important!”

Michael shuddered as he reluctantly took his hand away from himself, body practically quivering. “I can’t believe you’re making me edge myself for the sake of your Squirtle.”

“Huh?” Jeremy looked up. “Oh my god! You’re still going?!”

“I wanna nut! And you already said it was fine, so I am.”

“I forgot, dude! You know I get invested in Pokémon!”

“Just hurry up! Maybe I’ll suck your dick when I’m done too, since you’re still half mast over there.”

“I’m always at half mast!”

Michael laughed. “Especially when playing pokemon.”

“You know that’s not true.”

“Mhm,” Michael hummed noncommittally. He started stroking himself again. 

“Squirtle is thriving.”

Michael grunted. “So is my dick.”

“Good. I love him.”

Michael pressed his nose into Jeremy’s neck once again. “Mm, love you.” He paused. 

“Yeah? Love you too, babe.” Jeremy smiled. 

Michael worked himself familiarly, and it didn’t take long before he was right back where he left off.

Jeremy finished his battle and closed his DS, giving Michael his attention. 

Michael whimpered slightly, panting against the skin of Jeremy’s neck. 

Jeremy hummed. “Go on, Mikey.”

Michael shuddered. “C-Close,” he breathed. “K-Kiss?”

Jeremy gave him a languid kiss to top him off. 

Michael moaned, coming into his own hand as he worked himself through it, kissing Jeremy messily.

Jeremy smiled against Michael’s lips. It hadn’t been the night they’d meant to have, but at least Michael was sated. 

Michael came down slowly, wiping his hand off with some tissues from the bedside table. “I love you.”

“I love you too, babe. Like your Squirtle painting?”

“Mhm,” Michael hummed. “Did you want me to suck your dick or not?”

“Uh, I guess not. I’d just get distracted by Squirtle again somehow.”

Michael chuckled. “Cool. I’m sleepy. Lull me to sleep with soft pokemon noises.”

“Okay, Mikey. Lavender Town music?”

Michael nodded, cuddling up to Jeremy and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Blankets?”

Jeremy pulled their blankets up over them and sank into the bed. “Goodnight, Micah.”

Michael kissed him sweetly. “Night, Miah.”


End file.
